Do you feel like your marriage is suffering based on the trauma of your past?
The interaction between you and your spouse could be the result of what you have witnessed with our own parents. For example, one of your parents may have left at a young age and you saw the resulting emotional turmoil.
Because of this, you have decided to let your spouse win every argument to avoid them leaving you. It could also be that you have seen your parents disrespecting each other through name-calling, yelling, or other unhealthy methods. This can make you think it is okay to treat your spouse the same way.
Unhealthy behaviors in marriage can be cycles. It could be that your parents behaved the way they did towards each other because of their own parents. And your grandparents behaved how they did because of their upbringing. And so on and so forth. But, you have the power to break these vicious cycles and find ways to be happy in your marriage.
Here is a guide for how to break the cycle of a miserable marriage and create the marriage you want.
Common Pitfalls in a Marriage
There are a number of problems that married couples go through such as-
- Infidelity when your partner has a one-night stand, internet relationships, or physical and emotional affairs. Maybe your partner is experiencing self-doubt in keeping your marriage alive or having problems confronting you on major issues.
- Financial Issues such as having a joint account or managing your finances. You could be having arguments on how money should be spent or how much.
- Communication Problems where it is easy to take offense towards a look your partner gives you or their tone of voice. While your partner may be correct in context, the way they talk to you can lead to misinterpretation.
- Parenthood can get in the way of a marriage if you and your partner have different methods of parenting. If one parent is the enforcer and the other is more loose, this can lead to many arguments.
- Respect is an overlooked quality in a marriage. Putting each other down or not trying hard to keep commitments says something about how you think of each other.
While it may seem hopeless when these issues come, there are always solutions if you are willing to work together.
How to Properly Communicate Your Issues
If your partner did something to upset you, yelling at them will only lead to a screaming match. Instead, take a short walk outside, or step out of the room for a few minutes until you have calmed down.
Another unhealthy dynamic in a marriage is trying to win a fight. Having a “winner” means one person gloats about their victory and another feels wounded. There is never any winning. Your should rather shift the focus to trying to find a solution as a team.
Not only is it important about what you say to your partner, but how you listen to them. Instead of trying to get your point across, listen to your partner as they could be telling you what you initially planned on forcing out of them. Listen to their words, tone of voice, as well as expressions and body language.
Helpful Resources
If you would like more information about fixing your marriage, here are some great resources to start-
- The Marriage Guide Series by Beth Banning and Neill Gibson are three books all about how to improve your marriage through proven strategies.
- Breaking the Cycle by The Marriage Foundation is about setting new standards for how your marriage can be a happy one.
- Websites like The Gottman Institute, Marriage.com and Fatherly can provide you with helpful tips on breaking toxic marriage cycles and developing healthy ones.
If you and your partner are ready to fix your marriage, please schedule your first appointment today.
