Do you have moments when you want to say what is on your mind, but your emotions make what you say come out wrong?
It is common for people to hide their emotions for fear of showing others their vulnerability. You could be scared that if you show people how you are really feeling, they will turn away at the moment you need them most. However, avoiding topics or holding your feelings can put a strain on relationships and stop you from being real.
Emotional regulation is being able to manage your emotions and behaviors despite how intense the situation is. It is the practice of being able to calm yourself down when you feel like getting angry. If you know how to control your emotions, you will be able to maintain good relationships with your loved ones.
Here are ways you can regulate your emotions and still be true to yourself.
Why Emotional Regulation Can Be Challenging
Emotional regulation can be tough when you have a bad temper. It may be very hard for you to keep your cool when something bothers you. Working with customers or even speaking to a disagreeable customer service agent can test your patience.
The roots can end up tracing back to childhood when your parents would soothe you any time you cried. If your parents always soothed you when you felt bad, how could you possibly know how to handle your own emotions by yourself?
You also could have been raised to believe that anger will continue to give you what you want. Maybe your parents always spoiled you with anything you asked for to get you to behave. This can lead to expecting that same behavior from everyone you meet, adding fuel to the fire if you do not get your way.
How to Smoothly Say What You Need to Say
The first thing you can do is identify your feelings. If you come across a situation where someone upsets you, think of what you are feeling right now, the circumstances leading to the emotion, if you are taking things the wrong way, and what to do with your feelings.
Let that person know how important it is that you are being open and honest about your feelings with them. After all, letting someone see your vulnerability takes a lot of courage.
This can also be a good time to use mindfulness to keep your emotions in check. Notice your tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, and eye contact. This can make a difference in how the other person thinks of you when you speak.
There is No “I” in Blame
When it comes to opening up with others about how you feel, blaming someone for your anger is not going to make things any better. It is important to remember the reason for the conversation- to say how you are feeling with the hope the other person will understand.
Instead of blaming the other person for making you feel bad, stick with “I” statements. Accusations will only lead to a heated fight and the end of a relationship. The focus should only be on what you are feeling and the situation that occurred that made you sad. For example, “I was really hurt when you told me you would call me back last night only to never hear from you for the rest of the day.” A phrase like this allowed you to say what you wanted to say without yelling, name-calling, or threatening the other person.
If you are ready to improve your relationships by regulating your mood, please schedule your first appointment today.
