Have you ever been afraid to engage in conflict with your partner for fear of how it will turn out?
Conflict is never the fun part of a relationship, but it is sometimes unavoidable. Conflict can actually be a great opportunity to let out what is bothering you about the other person. However, knowing how to speak to your partner during conflict can help prevent the end of a relationship. Ground rules are necessary for you and your partner to engage in conflict without making things worse. These rules will ensure no feelings are hurt and that the love is still there.
Here are some tips about how to communicate with your partner without being at war.
Setting Boundaries
One of the keys to a healthy relationship is establishing boundaries as early as possible. Boundaries may seem like a red flag, but they can actually make your relationship stronger. An important boundary is making sure you give each other your own personal space. Spending time together is obviously important, but, you both should still have your own things going.
Setting boundaries early on in the relationship can help prevent future conflict. By clearly communicating your expectations of the relationship early on with one another, it will help you avoid unnecessary arguments.
Healthy Ways to Express Your Feelings
The way you speak to someone you love can make a difference in how they react around you. The most important thing is to make sure your actions communicate the care you have in your partner while still getting your point across.
You can first describe how you feel before taking any actions. A lot of our emotions can be summed up in one word like anger, sadness, confusion, frustration, and more. Think of how to let your partner know how you are feeling.
It is also important to make time to discuss your feelings with your partner every day. Do not just state what you did during the day, but about how these moments made you feel. This will help build a connection knowing you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable with your partner without any judgment.
Code Words
Code words may sound like something out of a spy espionage film, but they can help keep the peace. Sometimes, it takes just one word to tell your partner to keep their emotions in check and pause.
If you feel like you and your partner are about to explode, come up with a word that de-escalates the fight. Pick a word that feels personal for both of you or resembles the situation. For example, oranges can be bitter at times, but really sweet as well. When you say “Orange,” this is a signal to take a breather and pick words that leave a sweeter taste in your mouth.
Taking a Time-Out
While a time-out may seem like it is for children, couples can also benefit when it looks like an argument is not getting anywhere. It involves removing yourself from a triggering situation to cool off and get a clearer perspective.
If things start to get heated during a fight, ask to excuse yourself. Find another room where you can take a deep breath or even go outside in the fresh air. Let your partner know that you just need a little space to clear your thoughts. Then, come back to the room when you are ready.
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If you and your partner are still struggling with how to have a fair argument, contact our office today to save your relationship.
