Have you ever gotten so upset that you feel like throwing things or shouting at the top of your lungs? Does your body heat up? Anger is what you are feeling which can range from mild irritation to intense fury. Your heart rate and blood pressure go up as well as your energy levels and adrenaline.
Maybe someone provoked you based on their actions or words. Maybe a specific event angered you like having to wait long in line or if someone canceled plans on you. Sometimes, anxiety or trauma can be the reasons you are angry when you feel like you have no control over your thoughts or the outcome.
It is only human for us to feel angry whether it is yelling at someone or taking aggressive actions. However, it does not mean that we need to physically lash out at everything that angers us. The way we express our anger assertively and constructively can make a huge difference in maintaining relationships.
Here are a few suggestions to get you on the right track to controlling your anger:
1. Change Your Thinking
No control over your anger could mean cursing, swearing, or speaking in overtly dramatic tones. Replace your thoughts with more rational ones. For example, instead of thinking “Everything is ruined!”, think instead “It is not the end of the world and my anger will not fix anything.” Also, try not to use words like “never” or “always” when talking about yourself or others to avoid justifying your anger with no hope of problem-solving.
Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything. Anger can be illogical in making you feel like the world is out to get you. Let yourself know that you are just experiencing the rough patches of life. Angry people need to be aware of how demanding they are and to express desires instead. For instance, say instead “I would like” compared to “I must have.” You will sound less threatening. You will also gain more sympathy from others if you are expressing feelings of hurt, disappointment, and frustration instead of anger.
2. Learn to Relax
You may be in a fight with someone where both your tempers are flared and you would like to share with them all of these angry thoughts swimming in your head. If you do that, you run the risk of losing that person completely. By learning how to breathe, you can slow down your rapid heart rate and think more clearly. Here are some breathing tips:
• Breathe deeply by picturing your breath coming from your stomach.
• Repeat a calming word or phrase while you breathe like “relax” or “take it easy.”
• Visualize a relaxing experience from your memory or imagination.
• Slow yoga-type exercises can relax your muscles and make you calmer.
3. Fix How You Communicate
Angry people tend to be impulsive and just say whatever they are thinking with no filter. If you are in a heated conversation, slow down and think before you talk. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying to you as it may calm you down and you will not have to use your irritable energy. Instead of listening to the words someone is saying to you, listen instead to the underlying message that this person is conveying such as feeling neglected or unloved. Do not let your anger spin the discussion out of control. Excuse yourself, if you have to, to allow yourself to have breathing space for a better mindframe.
Conclusion
Anger will always be something in your control. It will show you just how strong you are and how much you care about your peers. You are willing to get your point across without hurting someone. If you feel like you still do not have control over your anger, it is important to speak to a therapist to learn more techniques for being a calmer and happier person.
