We’ve all been there! We’re in the middle of a heated argument and oops, we say things that we don’t mean to win. It’s a part of life, but it can have long-lasting damage if it persists over time. That’s why we’ve compiled some tips and advice on how to diffuse the situation before it reaches a boiling point.
In the middle of a heated conflict or argument, it can be challenging to make any progress or develop a solution where everybody wins. Disputes tend to arouse defensive emotions, leading to rising hostility as both sides try to get their points of view heard.
So, what does Inner Acceptance Therapy recommend? Well, empathy! Empathy is the key to successful conflict resolution, and if used properly, it can effectively diffuse a growing disagreement before it truly starts.
So, What is Empathy?
Empathy is the ability to understand the feelings, thoughts, and points of view of others. This is done by listening to the other person and recognizing aspects of their feelings or thoughts that resonate within you.
An essential part of empathy is knowing when and how to use it with others to move a conflict from a lose-lose situation to a winning one.
The SET Method
An excellent method for this is the SET communication technique – Also known as support, empathy, and truth. This method allows you to address the other person’s feelings while still retaining any boundaries you may have.
Support – This initial step allows you to reassure the other person that they are safe, cared for, and that you are there for them. Use statements with “I” to show your concern and want to help. Such as: “I care about you.”
Empathy – This secondary step demonstrates to the other person that their feelings are valid. Use statements with “you” to illustrate that you are focused on them and how they feel.
Such as:
“I know how difficult this must be for you.”
“I see that you’ve been very stressed lately, and I understand how overwhelming that is.”
“I can see that you’re upset, and I understand why you are angry at this.”
“That sounds challenging for you.”
“I understand that you’re frustrated – is there anything I can do?”
“You are making total sense.”
Truth – The final step is an honest look at the situation. This should be an objective statement that focuses on the problem, not the individuals involved.
Such as:
“Lack of sleep affects your mood, and you have been going to bed past midnight for the last week.”
Conclusion
So now that you know the SET method, you should be able to master all conflict right? Well not exactly. Empathy is a great way to diffuse conflicts before they turn heated, but it’s not a skill that can be mastered overnight. Over time, with dedicated listening, you will notice it is easier to relax from the need to defend yourself. Instead, you will be able to take in and understand what the other person is saying and feeling.
If we at Inner Acceptance Therapy can help you develop the skills necessary to arguing better, we would love to help. Please contact our team to set an appointment and learn how you can argue better and protect the relationships that mean the most to you!
References & Citations
How Empathy Can Resolve and Prevent Conflict – The Conflict Expert
How Empathy Can Resolve and Prevent Conflict
1.16: Communicate – S.E.T. (Support, Empathy and Truth)
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0
How the SET Method Improves Communication for People With BPD – Erin Johnston
https://www.verywellmind.com/support-empathy-truth-set-for-borderline-personality-425229
Empathy Definition: What Is Empathy
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/empathy/definition
Empathy Is the Key to Conflict Resolution or Management
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/empathy-and-relationships/201702/empathy-is-the-key-conflict-resolution-or-management
